“My body wasn’t meant to run 100 miles. I will just pace and crew other athletes who are able to do the distance.”
That was my internal dialogue for the whole of 2022 and 2023. In recent weeks, I called bull *hit on this dialogue. But before we talk about the mental breakthrough we need to go back 10 years.
It was 2014. I was living in Salt Lake City, Utah and was coming off a high of finishing my first ultramarathon – the Katcina Mosa 100 km. Naturally, after recovering from the race I was wondering if I could step up to the 100-mile distance. I signed up to volunteer at the Lamb’s Canyon aid station at the Wasatch 100. It was inspiring, beautiful, and fun mixed with a healthy amount of shock and horror.
The inspiration far outweighed the shock and horror, and I entered the lottery for the 2015 edition of the 100-mile race. I got into the race and a few months later my personal life was in upheaval. A failed relationship, in between homes and jobs, and later in the midst of moving overseas to start a PhD – the 100-mile start line was low on the priority list that year and I didn’t start the race.
Living in South Africa for four years I ran plenty of ultramarathons but the elusive 100-mile distance still didn’t happen. Many of the popular ultramarathons there focused on running a specific route vs. hitting a round distance. For example, Two Oceans Marathon is 56-km (~ 35 miles). You run a stunning lap around the Cape Peninsula and the route mattered far more than the particular distance. In a similar vein, the Comrades Marathon can be anywhere from 87 – 91 km (54 – 56 miles) in distance depending on road works and whether it is an up or down run. The main point being getting from either Durban to Pietermaritzburg or vice versa. There were a few 100-milers popping up in my later years there but my focus was doing the more well-known races.
In 2019, I moved back to the USA and less than one year later the world was overcome with the Pandemic. It wasn’t until 2021 that the 100-mile goal came back into my realm of thinking. Running was going well, and I signed up for the Zion 100-mile race in Utah. I loved the area, and the race had many features I was looking for. Yet again though, a few months after signing up my life went into a tailspin.
I had a really bad fall while running a 40-mile trail run. It turned into an 18-month journey of a string of injuries and having to consult (and pay for!) a number of specialists from a sports medicine physician, registered sports dietician, physical therapist, and running coach. I hadn’t dealt with a chronic injury since my youth swimming days when the doctor’s advice included cortisone injections, max doses of NSAIDs, or surgery. Within that 18-months the Zion 100 start line came and went, and I was not on the start line. This is really where the doubts of whether I would ever get to a 100-mile start line much less a finish line crept in.
I pushed the doubts to the back of my mind not wanting to confront the deeper issues there. I took a reset in my athletic life and trained for adventure racing. It was loads of fun learning about orienteering, rucking, and learning how to mountain bike. But the fall of 2023 rolled around and ALL I wanted to do was trail run. It was fun again. I was happily running through the forest without a care in the world. However, the 100-mile doubts were still neatly filed away.
In December 2023, I signed up to do a 2024 goal-setting session on Zoom with Coach Michelle Lake. I signed up with the intent to create goals for my coaching business for the next year. Part way thorugh the training session, we had 5-minutes to journal and write out 2024 goals. She instructed us to not overthink the initial journaling. Write down whatever comes to mind, don’t filter! Without much conscious thought the second goal I wrote down was, ‘Get my 100 mile finish!’ Wow, I thought – where did that come from. I thought that goal was filed away permanently.
Which brings me back to the internal dialogue, “My body wasn’t meant to run 100 miles. I will just pace and crew other athletes who are able to do the distance.” I now had to confront these thoughts because I realized this 10-year goal of mine is still burning bright. I thought to myself, OK what if one of the Performance Project athletes who you coach said this to you – what would you say? The answer was easy – there is no way on Earth I would let an athlete believe they couldn’t achieve that goal! That dialogue is bull *hit!
There’s more to the story of course, but that’s all I have time to tell you today. I will leave you with this one thought – what stories are you telling yourself that are in fact bull *hit?